


Go, Wendigo, Go

by AVegetarianCannibal



Category: Hannibal (TV)
Genre: Confrontations, Drunkenness, Hannigram - Freeform, M/M, confrontations with HIS FEELINGS, sort of, trickery
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-06-21
Updated: 2016-06-21
Packaged: 2018-07-16 06:04:10
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 670
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7255474
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AVegetarianCannibal/pseuds/AVegetarianCannibal
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Will receives some sage relationship advice from a monster.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Go, Wendigo, Go

**Author's Note:**

> Takes place in some alt-version of "Shiizakana.”

Will Graham woke to the sound of glass shattering on the floor.

"Whoopsie," said an unfamiliar voice, followed by a hiccup and a snickering laugh.

Will scrambled to turn on the lamp beside his bed, bathing the living room in a grainy yellow light that hurt his eyes. On top of being in the middle of a home invasion, he was also apparently hungover. He dimmed the light.

When his vision stopped swimming, he saw the beast crouching on the floor. Its black skin gleamed in the moonlight and its antlers loomed like the shadows of barren trees.

"Oh, hey there, li’l fella," it said. "Sorry 'bout waking you up. Glass slipped right ou'my hand!"

It snickered again, its voice slurring.

"Are...are you _drunk_?" Will asked. "Wait. Are you _REAL_?"

It waggled a long, bony finger at him. "The answer to one of those questions is yes, and th'answer to th'other one is no," it said. "But I'm not gonna say wish is wish."

"Well, judging by the way you're talking, I'd guess you're definitely drunk," Will said.

He looked around at the dogs, most of whom were still sleeping soundly in their beds around the space heater. A couple of them had perked up to stare around in concern, but Will didn't know if it was for him or for the gigantic monster.

"What the hell are you doing here?" he asked.

"I have a bone to pick with you," it said. " _Ackshully_ , I have a LOT of bones to pick with you."

Will watched as the beast carefully poured itself another drink and downed it in one gulp.

"First of all, you're almost out of whiskey," it said. "Second of all, you haff feelings for Hannibal Lecter that yer not dealin' with."

Will snorted. "Feelings of intense betrayal and hatred, you mean."

"Nah, ya don't hate him," the beast said. “You said s'much to Peter, 'member?”

Will felt a fine sweat break out on his brow and resisted the reflex to wipe it away. "Well, I have plenty of _reason_ to hate him."

The beast rubbed its body suggestively and said, “You're hot for that bad, bad cannibal man.”

“No I'm not!” The fine sweat turned into big, fat bullets. 

"You dreamed about him telling you he looooves you," the beast said in a sing-song way. “’Oh, Will! My beloved! Let me help you reach your full potential, my beloved Will!’ And so on and so forth."

"Okay," Will allowed, "but in that very same dream, I also decapitated him."

The beast waved a dismissive hand. "Pfft. If you can't decapitate the ones you love, who _can_ you decapitate?"

"I don't--I _don't_ love him," Will said weakly.

The beast tutted. "You want him to literally eat your ass."

"No, I want him to _figuratively_ eat my ass--!" Will realized his error as soon as the words had left his mouth. He punched the bed. "DAMMIT!"

The beast fell over onto its side, rolling about in laughter. "So you admit it! YOU ADMIT IT! You're warm for his Lithuanian form!" 

“Stop--”

But the beast did not stop. “You want him to psycho-ANAL-ize you!" it taunted between peals of laughter. “GET IT? GET IT?”

Will just sighed and rubbed his eyes.

The laughter went on for some time before finally dissolving into tired hiccups and ragged giggles. The beast wiped tears from its angular cheeks. "Phew. This was _ackshully_ much easier than I was 'specting it to be."

"So, what am I supposed to do about it?" Will asked.

"Well, firsh of all, stop getting blackout drunk and talkin' to figments if your 'magination," it said. "Second of all, go wash your ass up all purty and squeaky clean. You know Hannibal don't like junk food."

The raucous laughter started all over again as the beast grabbed its belly and went back to rolling around on the floor.

Will ignored it as best he could, and got out of bed to make a pot of _very_ strong coffee.


End file.
